Date: 2018-02-20 14:24
She says I could''ve changed her mind about her making it official with her new boyfriend. She says she thinks about me everyday and I think this is just what''s comfortable for her now. I''ll have to live with the fact that they are undoubtedly intimate. She can''t wait long and that was my main concern. I feel vengeful etc. so I''ll try to get over those feelings before I contact her. I''ll join some clubs I''ve been interested in college and try to build my social standings there. I''ll go on a few dates and probably fuck around until I feel better. It''s questionable what will happen with my ex. I learned about her boyfriend and their being intimate by breaking NC a couple of times. She seemed very unsure of herself and I didn''t know how I should handle that. She''s honestly submissive and confused enough that I would''ve been tempted to change her mind then try to fix what we had going with therapy or something. I can''t really say it would have been the wrong decision but I''ll have a good chance to feel like myself for a bit without being tied down and without being able to turn back. I sent her a long letter today. I really just wanted to help her feel like she could know how to get back on track by taking some examples of how i was sorting out my own feelings. I also wanted to get her on the same page. I was unapologetic with my feelings and mostly just categorized my thoughts about the situation going forward for myself and what I was thinking back on from our situation. They started out as my personal notes and small ramblings but she''s used to reading that kind of thing from me. I got what I needed to across to her and succeeded in making her angry, jealous, and a bit sad. I knew she was spending the day with friends and family and ending it with a female friend she trusts. She read the whole thing before bed and feels like we could be soulmates. The guide helped me remember important parts of what I wanted her to know and feel and I hit it just right for now. She said the whole thing was overwhelming, putting her through ups and downs and ending it with very sexual comic relief. I knew she''d like it if I ended it like that. She''s "inexplicably" jealous and probably just needed to see me getting over it by being around other women in casual social settings. I left a part in my notes about it and it was a sentence out of almost 75 pages. She mentioned it. She''s still very sad and confused but doesn''t know why. I suggest she''s remembering the good times and wants me to rescue her. She says I''m most likely very correct. I tell her to figure herself out and decide if that''s what she really wants. She''s going to masturbate to me tonight for sure. I''ll just wait a month or 7 while I get over this. I hope she figures out what I really need from her to even just be friends. I need to get over my more inappropriate feelings and I can''t go back without forgiving her for making mistakes or not waiting for me. I made the mistake of neglecting her and we''ll both figure it out on our own for now. It''s probably for the best that we don''t get back together now. She was my first girlfriend and making mistakes with a new acquaintance like she has will even us out even if I can''t get over myself right now. I''ll keep you guys posted. I hope that helps someone.